Children Are Not as Resilient as We Think They Are
Whenever something catastrophic happens in our world (like a war, a pandemic, an economic depression, or any abuse), people always like to claim that children are resilient and that they’ll get over it because they won’t even remember the bad thing that’s happened. After all, they’re young, and they’re not going to remember any of this. So they shouldn’t be too affected by any atrocities that happened during their childhoods, right?
Well, when you think of the word “resilient”, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? You might think about someone strong and brave, someone who bounces back to normal right after a traumatic experience, almost like it didn’t affect them at all. And that is the definition of resilient, but how resilient are children exactly? When something traumatic happens to an adult, it’s expected of them to remember enough of the trauma to affect them significantly. But what about when children go through the same trauma as an adult does? Why do we expect children to act the same way as they did before the trauma? Why do we always expect them to act and be stronger than the adults without teaching them how? Why do we always expect them to be resilient?
Perhaps it’s because children don’t tend to remember as many details as adults tend to. How much of your childhood do you remember, especially your early childhood? Not a whole lot, if barely any, if I’m to guess correctly. So it’s safe to assume that if you don’t remember a lot of what happened in your childhood, then you won’t be affected, right? Except, that’s not exactly how our brains work. I’ll give you a personal anecdote- when I was first diagnosed with autism at three years old, I went to ABA therapy in some hospital every Tuesday and Thursday. I don’t remember any of this, but Tuesdays and Thursdays are still important days for me because of this. Another part of my autism is that when I’m stressed or anxious or feeling any other emotion, I usually bite at my fingers or lips to the point of bleeding. I don’t know why I do this; all I know is that I’ve been doing this as long as I can remember, and this is just a part of who I am.
Trauma tends to work the same way as well. According to Dr. Rebecca Campbell Ph.D. of Michigan State University, people release up to four of these chemicals in the amygdala when faced with trauma- catecholamine (natural adrenaline), corticosteroids (energy), opioids (natural morphine), and oxytocin (good feelings)- to help facilitate the fight, flight, or freeze response as well as to numb any physical pain occurring during said trauma. When these four hormone levels are high in the hippocampus, they interfere with other parts of the brain, thus impairing the memory. Dr. Campbell describes this impairment like she would a messy desk. First, you would take notes on various post-it notes. Then, you would place them all over your desk. After a while, you would find all the post-it notes and place them in a coherent order. Chances would be that it would most likely be all disordered, frustrating, and exhausting. That is how memory works during trauma.
When we experience something traumatic, we try our best to block out those bad memories because we don’t want to relive those experiences. Some of us seem to remember a lot of details while others remember very little actual details. These are both pretty common for people with Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Not remembering memories is also common for children, especially those going through early childhood. Unlike adults and other older people, younger children cannot effectively express their emotions, which is a common trait. But when it comes to trauma, this can be detrimental. Walden University states that for children up to two years, they have poor social skills, many memory problems, and excessive tempers. This can lead to them experiences stomachaches and headaches, having trouble focusing in school, and developing learning disabilities when they reach the ages of three to six years.
If these symptoms aren’t acknowledged and treated early on, these children might deal with obesity, addiction issues, other chronic health issues, a lack of education, suicidal thoughts/behaviors, and trouble with the law; these children feel like these are their only ways of expressing the pain they have experienced when they feel like no other helpful route had helped them with their problems if they even have access to said helpful routes. What makes a person do all these things despite knowing those are bad things? We bury our feelings, create a false sense of ourselves, and turn our thinking patterns into that of a helpless victim- anything to get people to notice and love us. When we’re abused and/or traumatized, we find any sort of simulation to numb our pain and feel any sort of love. That makes it pretty easy for those who have been traumatized to have trouble with relationships; they feel unsafe showing their real selves because they think their real selves will bring back the trauma they’ve faced as children. Nothing is safe for them, not even a new, loving relationship.
And if nothing is safe for you, you freak out and try to regress back to an earlier stage of development. For example, when faced with a traumatic event, some children will go back on their developmental achievements such as toilet training, sleeping throughout the night, paying attention, and social skills. That last part is a big setback when it comes to the Covid-19 pandemic and the lockdowns that have happened as a response. Mattie Schuler of weareteachers.com said the following concerning a past child’s parent:
I recently spoke with a past parent who relayed that their child finally had a playdate this summer. It had been many months since the two friends had seen each other (or anyone really). To say that these two Pre-K children were besties is really an understatement. Yet when they finally got together for an outside playdate the two friends reverted to younger styles of parallel play. This behavior was so different from their giggles and scheming, whispered chats that consumed the months before March.
How could these two preschoolers who have been best friends for such a long time revert back to parallel play (something common among toddlers)? These two were supposed to be best friends, so what has happened? What has happened was social isolation- social isolation from Covid-19 lockdowns. According to Juan Mendez, the United Nations rapporteur into torture, solitary confinement is considered a form of torture. Those who have been placed in solitary confinement have difficulty reintegrating into society, chronic anxiety and depression, emotional numbness, worse trust issues, worse trauma-based pathology, and increased risk of suicide. These are effects that have been recorded due to Covid-19 lockdowns, which are especially damaging towards children. I’ve said earlier how it’s important that children, especially younger children, lean how to socialize with other humans in order to function. When children aren’t able or, in recent cases, allowed to socialize to other children around their ages, these children can develop several mental health problems as well a physical health problems.
When you’re isolated for months on end with no sign of it ever ending, you have a limited opportunity of exercising under the sun, which gives you Vitamin D to boost your health. Take both of those things away, and you’re more likely to deal with sleep problems, disordered eating, obesity, heart problems, diabetes, cancer, or strokes. Now, those are stressful events themselves, but when you throw in early childhood trauma, that stress can elevate to severe levels. An extreme amount of stress have the potential to fatigue a person, cause muscle tensions, bring on insomnia, and start or worsen drug and/or alcohol addiction to numb the pain. These things can be caused by early childhood trauma, and these things can bring on more early childhood trauma in the future. It’s a horrifying and vicious cycle.
There are ways to reduce these effects of childhood trauma, and the earlier those effects are reduced, the better. Some children might even become their normal selves after recovering from a traumatic event. But that’s not the case for all children, and it’s unfair to assume that because it’s a child going to a traumatic experience, it means they’re going to bounce back to their former selves immediately. Some children take time to bounce back while others just don’t bounce back at all. So please, don’t assume that every child is resilient. You don’t know what they’ve been through. What could be something you can bounce back to could be a traumatic experience that will haunt a child for the rest of their life.
