I Ain’t the Sharpest Tool in the Shed

Courtesy of me! Enjoy the free art!

All my life, I’ve been told that I was two things — creative and smart. I’ve always made good grades in school, and I’ve always been one of the most artistic kids in my class. Now, how true those statements are could be debatable. I’ve always made the honor roll since the sixth grade, but I was not only the oldest kid in my Algebra III class, I was also the dumbest. As for art, well…I’ve seen plenty of artists younger than me that have made better pieces than I could ever dream of.

And, as you can see, I’ve displayed my writing and art on this website, too. When you look me up, I tend to talk about philosophical or psychological topics like , , , , . I can even , though that part stresses me out (so I don’t really like getting political anymore). And, so far at least, I’ve gotten some positive praise for my writing, so there’s that.

I also draw a lot, and . I even think I’m improving a bit, though nobody really comments about the cover images I use (whether I’ve drawn them or not). Speaking of creative stuff, I’ve , and every teacher I’ve had had said that I was a good writer who had excellent characters, so there’s something. Also, when I look at something bad and think of ways I could write it, I think my version may be better…at least?

The thing is…I’m not sure if all of the compliments I’ve received my entire life are true. You know how, when you hear something over and over again, you eventually start believing what you’ve been told? I think I have the opposite reaction to this. Maybe it’s Imposter Syndrome, or maybe it’s because I’ve seen people do much better things than I ever would. Either way, I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

See that drawing I used for my cover image? You may have seen worse art than that, but you’ve also seen a lot better. I know I sure have. I’ve been taking art seriously since I was in the fifth grade, and I still feel like I’ve barely improved on my craft. I can say the same for my writing, too. I’ve said before that . While that may sound like a noble cause, I often wonder if my creativity and quality is taking a hit due to consuming too much bad media. Media is like food; if you consume too much bad stuff, it’ll poison you.

Speaking of poison, I thought I heard something about toxins affecting your brain health, and I think that’s where our intelligence is. At least…the brain is what is commonly used as a symbol of intelligence. Who knows? Maybe I’m just making stuff up as I go along, just like I could be doing on all my other entries here on this website. If you take a quick glance at my blog (or this very article you’re reading), you’ll see that I am very interested in intellectual topics like philosophy and psychology and how they affect our every day lives. But sometimes, when I write those articles, I feel as if I don’t know what I’m talking about, even if I do a ton of research beforehand.

I even feel that way when and . Am I doing this topic justice? Have I done enough research to talk about this? Am I coming off as too arrogant? What else am I forgetting to talk about? I could on and on with these questions, but that would take all day. And I haven’t even gotten started on some of the typos I make while writing these. How many have I made? How did I not see this typo before? Would people still understand what I’m saying? I can’t believe I didn’t notice this typo before publishing the article! How could I mess up so badly?

Don’t even get me started on when I don’t come up with an idea for an article until a couple of days before my arbitrary deadlines! I guess that’s what you get for making up arbitrary deadlines to motivate yourself, thus forcing yourself to come up with ideas out of the blue. All those problems I’ve mentioned above come out tenfold. Now, with such little time, I’m doing research on a complex topic while pulling all-nighters…all to make some stupid deadline I technically don’t even have to follow! But I heard that consistency is how you gain readers and followers, so here I go again! Then again…I could always and pray for the best (or write about myself like I’m doing here).

Writing ain’t easy. Nothing is. In fact, every single thing is hard — even something you think is simple like eating. Someone had to teach you how to eat, or you had to teach yourself how to eat (which is a sad alternative to think about now that I mention it). Nobody’s born perfect, and that includes me. I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed, so all I do is work at improving myself day by day. That’s probably what you’re doing, too. At least…I hope you’re doing that. But who knows? Maybe you’re a lot smarter and more talented than me. If that’s the case, then…keep at it. Practice makes perfect. That’s what I’ve heard a million times.

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Emily Alexandra

Just some autistic person wanting to write and write. I also like to draw and have a cat and dog that are my life. I publish on 8th, 18th, and 28th every month.