My Program Got Delayed to Another Date: Crisis (Not) Averted.
Remember the last time I wrote here that I was doing a library program teaching people how to draw on September 19th? Yeah, about that…
It didn’t actually happen.
Now, that’s not to say that it’s been cancelled. Far from it. Actually, I sent the proposal to another supervisor (this one being at my work’s headquarters), and she approved it with no hesitation. The only thing she recommended to me was to hold it off until October 3rd.
“But Emily,” you might be saying, “If that supervisor liked it so much, why did she delay to October 3rd?”
Well… it takes time to advertise a program, so I can see why the supervisor wanted to delay it to that date. That, and I literally proposed to her with that original date of September 19th on September 18th.
So yeah… that part was literally on me. Sorry about that!
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, you’d think that I would be grateful for this delay. After all, most people in that situation would be grateful for that. Not only would they get more time to prepare, but they also don’t have to face people sooner! It’s a win-win situation!
Yeah… that’s not exactly how I roll.
Look, I’m happy to have more prep time, but I picked September 19th because I wanted to get over my anxiety of presenting in front of people as quickly as possible.
In case anyone doesn’t know, I’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I’ve literally gone to group therapy for anxiety disorders. The more I think about something negative, the worse my anxiety gets. Public speaking is no exception to this rule.
When I went to community college, public speaking was a required class for graduation. Of course, I delayed it until my second year because I didn’t want to face my fear of being made fun of in public just for speaking (and also because I was quite busy getting over other required classes like college algebra and biology).
I remember my first speech in public speaking class like it was yesterday. The teacher had decided to call on us alphabetically. Since my last name started with the letter “P”, I was called on later than most of the other students in that class.
By the time I walked up to the podium, I was a nervous wreck. I could barely speak, and I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment. Worst of all, I thought people were going to relentlessly mock me because of this speech. Of course, that didn’t happen because, after class had ended, one girl there actually complimented my speaking. But I brushed it off because I didn’t believe I did that good of a job.
So, when the first tested speech was arriving, I applied to be the first person to speak. I didn’t want to sit in my chair fretting over whether I was going to blubber and stutter or whisper like a mouse in front of others. And you know what?
I managed to get a good grade by going first.
When I went first, I didn’t have the time to have an anxiety attack over speaking. I just had to go and do it, and it paid off. I repeated this system and got good grades — most of them being A’s (not very high A’s, but A’s all the same)!
What I’m trying to say is that my system isn’t wait until I absolutely can’t wait anymore. That’s just going to give me major anxiety attacks. Instead, I work best when I push through my fears and just do it. It’s like what Shia LaBeouf said:
I can’t let my dreams be dreams. I just need to do it. Even if it’s just a little library program that maybe nobody will attend, I just need to do it.
